I was knocking back a few cold beers at the Sunday watering hole when a man turned the fan away from us & put it on his group. It was a 100 degrees outside & with no AC in the Brewhouse this was a immediate concern of our group. It turned out that his wife had told him to do it. I started pondering which gender needs the other more & here is my determination. I will start with the ladies as it is the polite thing to do.
Top 10 reasons women need men
1. Killing of bugs, snakes or Bigfoot. The majority of women are either scared or disgusted by these creatures & don't have the stomach for such things.
2. To listen to them complain about their boss or other girlfriends. You may get off easy if she has a girlfriend with the same boss & they can complain together; leaving you out of it but most likely she will just repeat the process wasting 10-15 minutes of your life you will never get back.
3.Going to the liquor store or beer store. Nothing sexy or proper about a woman walking out of the liquor store with a box o wine or fifth of bourbon...screams I'm a single drunk.
4.There are some obvious ones & I will group them together. They include taking out the trash, unpacking & repacking the Christmas decorations & getting the mail as well as the daily paper. They just don't want to do it.
5.Driving a vehicle. Women have too much going on when they are in the car to be worried about actually driving the car & plus they don't know where the hell they are going. I've witnessed a woman on her morning commute driving with her elbows as she smokes in one hand & applies make up with the other. Not to mention having to park said vehicle.
6.Making a woman feel petite & safe. A woman needs to feel if things turn dicey in a situation that you will & more importantly can protect her. Also you should make them feel like a girl by being a man, not a metro-sexual that wears nicer outfits than she does.
7.Have a good paying job. Telling her girlfriends, mom & sisters that you are currently looking for gainful employment isn't cool. Today's liberated woman doesn't mind paying a tab or two but they sure as hell don't want to have to pay your light bill to get your power turned on.
8.Buying her flowers, cards & taking her to dinner then a movie. It is what her father did for her mother & she needs you to do the same. Buying her own & having them sent to her office is expensive & dining alone then movie is leprous or widowish. Also we can mention Valentine's Day, weddings & Christmas parties. Women are pitied if they are dateless on these occasions.
9.Listening to her. I know this one can be tough. She may even try to talk about something serious when she is butt ass naked & expect you to get every word. The key is to nod alot & say yea of course without staring at her boobs. Also saying you are sorry if you are wrong or if she catches you staring at her boobs.
10.I saved the best for last. Women need men to make them have multiple orgasms. Sure, they can self pleasure but that can get mundane. They want you to do all the things above so when they get you in the bedroom, elevator or on the washing machine they can get off multiple times...can't stress this enough, orgasm gets you replaced, multiple orgasms gets you presents & free booze.
Whew, that was tough. Now on to the easy part.....why men need women.
1.Going to the grocery store. We hate the entire process. It is always crowded, we have to actually think about combining ingredients when Krystal had done it for us the night before & we always forget numerous items.
2.We need women to scratch our backs. Can't get the entire area without separating a shoulder & another man scratching your back is gay. Same goes for applying sunscreen & reminding us we should use it.
3.Carrying leftover to go food out of the restaurant. A real man will always finish his meal but sometimes, there is too much to eat in one meal. If you are good, which i am you combine her leftovers with yours & ultimately she forgets leaving you with 2 extra meals. It is an art.
4.Reach for your purse from time to time. I know if is alot of fun to eat, drink & be merry on your man's tab but he needs you to pick up the tab every now & again.
5.We need women to clean the casa. I personally am not too much of a slob but I hate to dust, vacuum & well the entire bathroom is neglected if left to me. I will bribe you with chick flick, dinner or whatever you need to make this happen plus I'll say thanks.
6.I count on my girlfriends(friends that are girls) to explore the crazy level of potential sweet young vixens. I do this by watching said vixen interact with people in the crowd until we have a mutual friend. I then text said friend to get the low down on the vixen. Works like a charm as long as friend doesn't spill the beans when I go to the big boys room.
7.We need women to wear sexy clothing & lingerie. Yea you would probably look good in a potato sack as I have in the past but a woman wearing a tight pair of jeans, top showing off the tatas & a perfect pair of thongs just showing enough will get us drooling every time. I also am a big fan of a tall, sexy woman wearing cargo pants as well. Did I also mention hats drive this man crazy?!
8.I need a woman to have a great sense of humor or she is going to think I'm an idiot....which I can be(see drooling above). If you cannot laugh at yourself & others then you are on a path of bitterness & regret later in life. It is a one of the best traits in the world if you can laugh at just about every bad situation. I believe it relieves stress & therefore prolongs your silly life.
9.Men need women for fashion sense. This one is very important as most men hate to shop for clothes almost as bad as groceries. If left on our own we will stumble into a store with the hottest blond 21 yr old working & leave the store with a hard on dressed like Justin Beeber.
10.O.K. now to the R to X portion of what men need from women....sex & lots of it! We need you to check your parent's issues about the subject at the door. It is your sex life & you need to be a willing & eager participant or you run the risk of being replaced by a newer, hornier model. Don't be afraid to experiment with new toys, positions, & places. We need for you to enjoy oral pleasure(giving as well as receiving), morning luvin & dirty talk. We also have no problem sharing a shower anytime you feel the need to clean your dirty body. I really could go on & on with this one but you get the idea. Have fun & do it alot!
Well, that pretty much sums up my thoughts about the needs of the opposite sex & should be taken with a grain of salt by rational people. The picture is of some foreign hottie that I have never met & have no idea her needs as a non-American woman but I imagine she would be close on alot of these. Until next time remember a famous quote by one of my favorite women" It is God's biggest joke putting men & women on the same planet & expecting them to get along!"Bev
Cheers,
Rip Pewett a man with many needs
16 comments:
I am single Mom who works full time, takes care of my kids full time, kills all the bugs, scares away the monsters from underneath the bed, cooks, cleans, takes out my own trash, pays for my own food and is the only person I've met that can give me multiple orgasms. Without having to put up with drooling, babbling losers like you. Give me a fucking break!
^^^what she said x 100000.
I'm with her! Women do not need men to do any of those things for us. Seriously dude you must be single and think you are " living the life" absolutely pathetic.
If you wanted to tell the world that you are gay, you dont have to degrade women by doing it.
-signed, Some chic who thinks youre an ass
Ouch ladies! Maybe I'm just more traditional, But I kind of liked this post. Made me giggle. Some of the comments are sexist, but come on... Alot of them are true! No we don't need men, but its nice to have them around sometimes. :)
Wow, there are some bitter women here that cant enjoy a lighthearted story. Good luck bitter ladies, no wonder you have to pleasure yourselves.
Oh sure. A guy can degrade women and be a funny hero. I defend myself and I'm bitter. Hahahahahahaha!!!!
You may well be an ass, but your right. Absolutely and completely. Ladies, I understand why your all upset, you started reading and obviously got the typical sexiest "who does this guy think he is" attitude. Good job at not actually getting any of it. The point is that while women can do all of those things, you would rather have us do it for you. So your a single mom who works full time and does all the stuff herself. Ok, Bozo button for you! Could also be that your bitter take on reality has pushed away any guy that has tried to be close to you. Understanding that you need/want a guy to do things for you doesnt make you a weaker woman, only smarter. Some chick that thinks your an ass, but your bra back on, women stopped burning them in rebellion years ago. No need to think the author is an ass, open your eyes, its a pretty realistic take on the way we as a society function. And yes, your bitter, which is also why you are alone. There are lots of good guys out there looking for a good woman, the reality is they usually end up finding some battle hardened hag who nags the shit out of em to the point they give up and walk away. The idea is not to beat a guy down until he walks away in defeat while you bash him for not being a "man" then launch into tirades for weeks about how pathetic all men are. Get a grip, not all men are douche bags... Granted some are, and maybe you've personally had a bad experience, but this is seriously good sound advice for you to live by...
I am not bitter. I'm a hopeless romantic that loves men. Who compliment me. By my side. My point is not only that I don't need a man, but that I am self-sufficient enough to realize I don't even have to want a man. If I find love, great! If not, I'm perfectly content doing all of this on my own. I think it's hilarious how people like you have to attach stigmas to ME but when I attach one to him, I get my ass reamed! He was not giving "sound advice" he was verbally bashing women and drawing them as weak, insecure, lazy princesses that can't even take out a bag of trash, drive a car or even park it for that matter. This was a personal attack. He was not mentioning that we don't WANT to do these things, he was flat out saying we can't. That is not okay.
This one was my "favorite": "Buying her own & having them sent to her office is expensive & dining alone then movie is leprous or widowish. Also we can mention Valentine's Day, weddings & Christmas parties. Women are pitied if they are dateless on these occasions."
Seriously? How sad that not only does the world view women that way in those situations but that he is backing it up. This is an insulting blog, masked as a joke. It's like saying, "Did you pay for that haircut?" and then trying to back it up by saying, "I was just kidding!".
Wanna know the funny part... You seemed to capitalize on the entire post being about women and how weak and pathetic they are, somehow missing the entire section devoted to how helpless men are... Imagine that. Honey, I am sure that you don't in fact need a man. I am sure you are just fine all by yourself. And hey, good for you!!! Me and the rest of the world are happy for you. The only problem is that while you are a self proclaimed hopeless romantic, you are also "that girl" yes, thats you. The one that sits on her couch in any free time she has watching Sleepless in Seattle while hoping that one day her "soul mate" will drop thru the ceiling and make her world perfect. The very idea that you "dont need a man and are self sufficient enough to realize that you dont even have to want a man" says everything there is to know about you. I have been burned by useless bad bitches (note, not all women are so dont be offended unless you are one of them). I have a great job, have my own stuff and pay my own way. Im a certified big boy now. Ya know what I dont need a woman, but I sure do like them, and I try to keep them around. As far as him saying that women can't... Clearly you have a reading comprehension problem. Women are indeed weak, insecure, lazy princess that DONT WANT TO even take out a bag of trash, drive a car or even park it for that matter. But guess what... GUYS are lazy, insecure childish bastards that can't even buy food, clean up their own mess, or dress themselves. Dont see you standing up and defending men... And that my dear is why you are a typical bra burning sexist woman. Get over yourself... Better yet, go get pregnant, take off your shoes and get in the kitchen which is where you clearly belong since you have a tiny little woman brain that cant keep up in the grown up conversation of men.
YOU, sir, are the reason there are women out there, "like me". Men who cannot handle a woman who hates the stereotypes of women and stands up for myself when I don't like what someone says. You lost me at bra burner and barefoot and pregnant. Just because I don't like the way THIS guy is, doesn't mean I hate men and sit around stroking my cats and sniffling to Sleepless in Seattle. I clearly said in my first comment, Losers like *you*. Meaning guys that sit around blogging about men and women and how pathetic we all are. The blogger himself is single.... At 45. That's someone whose advice I definitely want to heed to. *sigh*
And re-reading the blogger's "Why men need women" section, solidified my previous comments. He's painting us as objects to scratch his back, pick up the bill from time to time, buy his groceries, help him find hot young ass, leaving left overs for him, wear sexy lingerie,sex and dress them nicely. What the hell would I defend here? You guys have it good, according to him.
Wow! I really appreciate all the comments but I am very surprised at the reaction it created. Let me try to touch all the comments in a very concise manner. I am not an ass or am I gay. I do not believe at any time did I ever bash women or demean them. I'm sorry I generalized but you really have to in a situation like this. An example...Muslims are radical terrorists, do I truly believe every single Muslim is a terrorist? No, I don't. This blog is 1 man's take on life & shouldn't be taken as anything else. It was meant as humor, I mentioned Bigfoot in 1st point & I really think it is funny. As far as being single at 45...I'm one of the happiest guys out there & if you knew me, you would see it.
i personally know this man who wrote this blog.. trust me ladies it was all in gest and it is america and we are free to speak our minds ... this man is one of the best guys i know...
and some of what he did say about women and men on the same planet is true...have a great day
I am a guy and have read many of your posts. Why? Because I get a good laugh. Not because you are clever or funny (although I'm sure you believe yourself to be so), but because you are apparently a complete idiot. Being 45 and still cruising the bars for girls half your age pretty much tells the world all they need to know about you. You can spout out all the "wisdom" and guy code you want, but what it comes down to is that you seem like a sad and pathetic man who has not grown up and continues to think that you are cool. Not a lot of cool 45 year olds trolling the bars and bashing on women who turn them down because they have some self respect and can recognize a peter pan when they see it. I'm glad you are happy. Keep believing it. 50 is just around the corner and what do you have to show for it? A couple of Bros to hang out with? A menial dead-end job? A piece of ass stupid enough to fall for your shit? You are truly a winner. Charlie Sheen would be proud.
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