2012 To Do List

Well it is that time of the year to plan my life for the next year & I can't think of a better place than the world wide web to do so. I believe it helps to write down dreams, goals & desires so you reread them, theoretically every day to reinforce ones commitment. I still have former goals hidden throughout my life & find it humorous rereading them to see which ones I actually accomplished. Soooooo, with that in mind....I present my 2012 New Year's Resolutions.

1. get back into shape. Over the past 3 years my job has ruined my workouts & that is going to change. I have committed to myself, friends & now here to put the iron to the fire so to speak. I'm going to run the Music City 1/2 marathon for the 4th & maybe final time.

2.Become a minimalist. I am going to sell everything that isn't absolutely necessary. I'm kicking around the idea of selling everything at the flea market with a sign saying "Ripper's no garage sale" All proceeds will go towards my world travel fund.

3.Get back to helping others i.e. Safehaven Family Shelter. I was an overnight volunteer for 2 years & quite frankly got burned out. This time with the help of friends, I'm going to sign up monthly for the dinner detail. We will provide dinner for the families & clean up afterwards. I also want to take the families to a Sounds game & rent the outfield stands. I will be working with my buddy A.J. with the Sounds & my other friends for $.

4.Quit wearing ties or nooses on my soul as i like to call them. I will go more into detail about this in later posts.

5.Finish the Yelo Sub restoration...finally! My 1972 Olds Cutlass Supreme convertible is about 3 steps away from finito. I need my front end rebuilt(no shit), install my cd/ipod player & speakers then have my blinker switch replaced. Once these minor things are completed I am donating my faithful Cherokee to the Mike Ervin hunting camp. I will be living the dream of cruising in the Yelo Sub on a daily basis.

6.Start researching my Ex-pat locale. I've decided that I'm not going down with this sinking ship known as the U.S.A. it has become quite clear to me that our politicians have no desire to ever do anything but the status quo & that isn't going to work. It is my belief that in 5-10 years this country will go bankrupt, there will be citizens rioting in the streets & our way of life will be over. The silver lining in this is I will be reading about it on a beach, drinking cold beer with a girl half my age. My short list is Australia & New Zealand, Cuba or Costa Rica.

I think I will stop here as these 6 are pretty lofty goals & i just ate fajitas so i need to take a siesta sitting up right in my chair wearing this noose of a tie. The picture is of my first tattoo which is a pair of lips on my ass that symbolizes my belief if you don't like my life you can keep your opinion to yourself & kiss my ass. Until next time.....Happy New Year!

Cheers,

Rip

I never thought I would make it to 45.....now what?

June 27th, 1981-the day my father was killed. He was 45 yrs old, successful, handsome,funny & larger than life to his 15 year old son....he was also my motivation. I wouldn't have this revelation to later in my own life. I aspired to greatness & was mentally tough even as a child, so I could win the approval of my dad. Once he was gone & the circumstances of his death came to light; I lost faith in the world as I had known it as a child. It had become a brutal place that takes everything & forgives no one. I set out on a self destructive path that at times, amazes me I'm still on this Earth. I believed that all things end in time & applied this to my relationships, jobs & just about every other area of my life. It was not a matter of if but when; so I went into it with the end in mind. I coined the phrase "Committee of One" & began distancing myself from my family, friends & even God. At this point I should tell you I have never been a very religious person but I do hope at the end of the road there is a better place to go but I'm not sure that the Bible isn't just the best book ever written by man. So I continued on a path that lead me where the wind blew always trying to do the right thing for the right reasons. I've literally made hundreds of mistakes & bad decisions but I've never hurt anyone intentionally. So, what to do now. “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ― Confucius Bottom line....I want to see the world, find treasure, take pictures & write about it. I will never reach my potential which is limitless, unless I do every one of these & soon damn it! I don't know how much time I have left but one thing is for sure; I never thought I would make it to 45 & now I've got to get busy. Until next time.

Cheers,

Rip 45 yr old dreamer & wanderer

Women need men more than men need women?

I was knocking back a few cold beers at the Sunday watering hole when a man turned the fan away from us & put it on his group. It was a 100 degrees outside & with no AC in the Brewhouse this was a immediate concern of our group. It turned out that his wife had told him to do it. I started pondering which gender needs the other more & here is my determination. I will start with the ladies as it is the polite thing to do.

Top 10 reasons women need men

1. Killing of bugs, snakes or Bigfoot. The majority of women are either scared or disgusted by these creatures & don't have the stomach for such things.

2. To listen to them complain about their boss or other girlfriends. You may get off easy if she has a girlfriend with the same boss & they can complain together; leaving you out of it but most likely she will just repeat the process wasting 10-15 minutes of your life you will never get back.

3.Going to the liquor store or beer store. Nothing sexy or proper about a woman walking out of the liquor store with a box o wine or fifth of bourbon...screams I'm a single drunk.

4.There are some obvious ones & I will group them together. They include taking out the trash, unpacking & repacking the Christmas decorations & getting the mail as well as the daily paper. They just don't want to do it.

5.Driving a vehicle. Women have too much going on when they are in the car to be worried about actually driving the car & plus they don't know where the hell they are going. I've witnessed a woman on her morning commute driving with her elbows as she smokes in one hand & applies make up with the other. Not to mention having to park said vehicle.

6.Making a woman feel petite & safe. A woman needs to feel if things turn dicey in a situation that you will & more importantly can protect her. Also you should make them feel like a girl by being a man, not a metro-sexual that wears nicer outfits than she does.

7.Have a good paying job. Telling her girlfriends, mom & sisters that you are currently looking for gainful employment isn't cool. Today's liberated woman doesn't mind paying a tab or two but they sure as hell don't want to have to pay your light bill to get your power turned on.

8.Buying her flowers, cards & taking her to dinner then a movie. It is what her father did for her mother & she needs you to do the same. Buying her own & having them sent to her office is expensive & dining alone then movie is leprous or widowish. Also we can mention Valentine's Day, weddings & Christmas parties. Women are pitied if they are dateless on these occasions.

9.Listening to her. I know this one can be tough. She may even try to talk about something serious when she is butt ass naked & expect you to get every word. The key is to nod alot & say yea of course without staring at her boobs. Also saying you are sorry if you are wrong or if she catches you staring at her boobs.

10.I saved the best for last. Women need men to make them have multiple orgasms. Sure, they can self pleasure but that can get mundane. They want you to do all the things above so when they get you in the bedroom, elevator or on the washing machine they can get off multiple times...can't stress this enough, orgasm gets you replaced, multiple orgasms gets you presents & free booze.

Whew, that was tough. Now on to the easy part.....why men need women.

1.Going to the grocery store. We hate the entire process. It is always crowded, we have to actually think about combining ingredients when Krystal had done it for us the night before & we always forget numerous items.

2.We need women to scratch our backs. Can't get the entire area without separating a shoulder & another man scratching your back is gay. Same goes for applying sunscreen & reminding us we should use it.

3.Carrying leftover to go food out of the restaurant. A real man will always finish his meal but sometimes, there is too much to eat in one meal. If you are good, which i am you combine her leftovers with yours & ultimately she forgets leaving you with 2 extra meals. It is an art.

4.Reach for your purse from time to time. I know if is alot of fun to eat, drink & be merry on your man's tab but he needs you to pick up the tab every now & again.

5.We need women to clean the casa. I personally am not too much of a slob but I hate to dust, vacuum & well the entire bathroom is neglected if left to me. I will bribe you with chick flick, dinner or whatever you need to make this happen plus I'll say thanks.

6.I count on my girlfriends(friends that are girls) to explore the crazy level of potential sweet young vixens. I do this by watching said vixen interact with people in the crowd until we have a mutual friend. I then text said friend to get the low down on the vixen. Works like a charm as long as friend doesn't spill the beans when I go to the big boys room.

7.We need women to wear sexy clothing & lingerie. Yea you would probably look good in a potato sack as I have in the past but a woman wearing a tight pair of jeans, top showing off the tatas & a perfect pair of thongs just showing enough will get us drooling every time. I also am a big fan of a tall, sexy woman wearing cargo pants as well. Did I also mention hats drive this man crazy?!

8.I need a woman to have a great sense of humor or she is going to think I'm an idiot....which I can be(see drooling above). If you cannot laugh at yourself & others then you are on a path of bitterness & regret later in life. It is a one of the best traits in the world if you can laugh at just about every bad situation. I believe it relieves stress & therefore prolongs your silly life.

9.Men need women for fashion sense. This one is very important as most men hate to shop for clothes almost as bad as groceries. If left on our own we will stumble into a store with the hottest blond 21 yr old working & leave the store with a hard on dressed like Justin Beeber.

10.O.K. now to the R to X portion of what men need from women....sex & lots of it! We need you to check your parent's issues about the subject at the door. It is your sex life & you need to be a willing & eager participant or you run the risk of being replaced by a newer, hornier model. Don't be afraid to experiment with new toys, positions, & places. We need for you to enjoy oral pleasure(giving as well as receiving), morning luvin & dirty talk. We also have no problem sharing a shower anytime you feel the need to clean your dirty body. I really could go on & on with this one but you get the idea. Have fun & do it alot!

Well, that pretty much sums up my thoughts about the needs of the opposite sex & should be taken with a grain of salt by rational people. The picture is of some foreign hottie that I have never met & have no idea her needs as a non-American woman but I imagine she would be close on alot of these. Until next time remember a famous quote by one of my favorite women" It is God's biggest joke putting men & women on the same planet & expecting them to get along!"Bev

Cheers,

Rip Pewett a man with many needs

Beer my friend, you have weighted me down

Since the beginning of time beer has been a vital part of every civilization & consumed with great zeal. Sadly for my civilization & me personally was the invention of cameras. These devices have saved images of me when I was a much younger & slimmer man. I realize that our metabolism slows as we get older among other things, but it is my belief that beer or my love of said beer is directly responsible for my belly, double chin & fat face. Throughout our lives we must make commitments that prove we have willpower & giving up my dear friend cold beer for at least a month is one of those times. I jest that I don't have too many vices but beer is one of my favorites. I drink beer to unwind from a stressful day, as my social beverage of choice & let's be honest....I really enjoy it. My goal is to lose at least 35 lbs by the end of August & giving up coldies is the main component. I also have been green lighted by my Vanderbilt Hospital (shitty football team...great hospital) cardiologist to resume exercise & I am fine tuning my diet to jumpstart my metabolism. I am on Day 9 of the no beer plan & feeling good. Well, I gave myself a Sunday Funday beer waiver & to tell the truth; the 1st ones at the the Crow's Nest didn't taste very good. I chalked it up to the beer lines being dirty & headed to my Sunday honey hole...Brewhouse. It felt good to have a few 2 for 1 coldies until a storm rolled up in there & I had to exit stage left. I switched back to wine once I made it to the safety of the condo & woke up this morning feeling like ass. I've decided to continue on with the no beer diet through the summer & just see how much weight I lose & how much better I feel. I will institute the Sunday Funday waiver when necessary as it isn't cool to drink liquor when it is 90 plus degrees outside & 2 for 1. I was also just lucky enough to have a friend who is a waitress in the sky for United who is a sweetheart & brought me 5 VB(Victoria Bitter) beers & a tall voluptuous redhead from down under(Australia). I forgot to mention that we had to taste 2 of them Friday night...oops. I am excited about getting back into the pool & the gym....hopefully i will lose between 35-45lbs this summer & be able to fit back into some of my cool skinnier clothing. Until next time....
Cheers,
Rip Pewett

Top 10 signs that you have lost your mancard

I was driving around on this beautiful day in Nashville & really didn't have a care in the world until I drove by this man who had obviously given up his mancard. This vision is disturbing for me as I do believe that love between two people is a wonderful thing as long as you don't lose who you were before this grand event took place. I realized that I hadn't posted anything in a while & this mancard topic was worthy. So, in no particular order I present the top 10 signs that you have lost your mancard & no "buying your girl feminine hygiene products" isn't on the list because it is a given.
1.Walking a little dog such as a shitzu, miniature whatever, pug or lapsa ugly so. If you have to carry plastic gloves to pick up the shit then a sniper should put you out of your misery.
2. Getting married during SEC football season. I was engaged when my bride to be said" I've always wanted to have an October wedding!" & in a very empathetic moment I retorted "Have you met the groom yet?" Needless to say, we didn't work out & she did marry a guy during SEC football season.
3. If you show up in a public place wearing the same outfit as your significant other. Was it a buy one get the other free deal or what?
4. Owning a cat that doesn't come from the woods or a foreign country. A cat is an animal that is like a woman....plotting your demise while you sleep. Get rid of it girlie man.
5. A convertible that 9 out of 10 people drive are women! Miata, Sebring, & VW Cabriolet are gay & so are you probably. I drive a 1972 Olds Cutlass Supreme Convertible & that is how a convertible is done. That guarantees my man card for life.
6. Wearing a bow tie! Even the guy that sold it to you is laughing.
7. Not liking sports! Once again you are probably gay. The rivalry, the gameday experience & that girls have to gives us a waiver for almost anything we do while we are watching sports is worth it's weight in gold!
8. Going to a 1 yr olds birthday party. Bottom line is the the kid isn't going to remember you being there & u should go to a strip club, get hammered & have the girl pick you up after.
9. Saying make love....it's what girls call fucking!
10. Last but not least......voting Democrat. Nothing says I'm a girlie man more than believing in the principles of the Democratic party of not thinking for yourself & believing we should help people who are not willing to help themselves.
O.K. that pretty much sums it up & as always I could go on & on but you get the point. Be a man & stand up for yourself. Say no to the people(chicks) that want to neuter you mentally & say "what would Rip do?"
Until next time.
Cheers,
Rip Pewett lifetime man card carrier
the pic is of Webb Wilder....one of the last of the full grown men & man card lifetime member!

March is officially White History Month...aka Whitey month

Well, February came & went along with another round of the Black History Month celebrating all the great accomplishments of Black Americans. I never have understood why the entire population of the United Sates(320 plus million) should be subjected to this when the population of Black Americans is roughly 13% or 41.6 million of all Americans. Ironically they make up over 51% of the prison population. I decided that White Americans should have their own month & we would celebrate all that White Americans have done. No better place to start than George Washington the father of our great country, general in our colonial army & the 1st President of the these United States of America. He had a great vision of breaking away from England's rule & forming a free country were opportunity was available to every man. Yes, he was a slave owner but well loved by his slaves & as he became older believed it was wrong. Next on my list Walter Camp, who is credited with being the founder of modern day college football. This man has done more to make my life enjoyable than almost anyone else except the inventor of beer or thongs. The game day ritual of tailgating, the Vol Walk & the awe of Neyland Stadium on Saturday all started with Mr.Camp. The next one on my list is Jacques Cousteau who invented the SCUBA system & yes I know he was French but gave him a waiver. I became a scuba(Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) diver back in 1993. Since then I have sucked compressed air in numerous exotic locales & seen things under the water no one else has. The incredible colors of the animals, coral & water have always left me in awe of mother nature. Roy Raymond is the next great white male on my list, he only invented the modern day Victoria's Secret. I have never met this man but safe to say I love him & all he has done for me & our gender. I will assume that he also invented the thong even though some chick probably did. The last entry will actually be a pair who invented air flight, the Wright Brothers. Although many others have been linked to this discovery, I am from the South & so were the Wright Brothers(North Carolina) so I'm going with them. These guys were the guys that pioneered modern day 747 airplanes & F-22 Raptors. They get me to Australia & destroy my enemies from above...good stuff! As always i could go on & on about endless white Americans who have made huge contributions to the development of this great country. Please do not think that I am a racist or don't believe Black Americans have contributed to this great country; I just don't think they should have an entire month to celebrate these accomplishments. Cheers, Rip Pewett a white American p.s. the picture is of the greatest white American in my book, my brother Ryan. He grew up with me, endured the same hardships I did & overcame them all to be a great husband, father & brother!

Think about it, do it & don't regret it

Who doesn't have regrets, a person that isn't honest with themselves. We all have made mistakes in life & therefore have regrets; but it is important to learn from them & not dwell on the experience. I believe it is equally important when making decisions that you weigh the pros & cons of the situation then act without regret. So many of us are so unsure of which direction to take that with stay on the same boring path because ultimately it is safe & we are afraid of failing. I love the old adage "You can't steal 2nd base with your foot on 1st". I am the poster child for "baptism by fire" or learning by doing. My father was killed when I was 15 & he wasn't around to teach me how to drive, how to manage money or how to be the bigger man & walk away. So I wrecked some cars, ruined some credit & whipped alot of knuckleheads but i learned from it & I sure don't regret it. I was doing the best I could with pretty much no guidance. I learned too many valuables lessons to list here but some of my favorites are treat people the way you want to be treated, protect those that cannot protect themselves & learn to laugh at yourself because you will do stupid, laughable things. A man that cannot laugh at himself will always regret when he makes mistakes but a man that can laugh at himself will be laughing & not regretting his actions. I have 3 tattoos & thought about it, did it & never once regretted it. I had 2 elderly men at the Green Hills YMCA see my ankle bracelet tattoos & one asked me..."Boy what on Earth made you do that to your body?!" to which I replied "Oh I hear they will wash off when I'm dead". I wish you could have seen the horrific looks on these fellas faces...priceless. Judge not least ye be judged. These guys probably have done nothing exciting or with risk in their entire lives & that is sad. I could go on & on with my experiences but that isn't my reason for this; I want you to remember the times you have made your life more enjoyable because you thought about it, you did it & you don't regret it! "Go in the directions of your dreams & live the life you have imagined'. The picture is the logo of Old Van Halen(greatest rock band ever) & it is one of the charms on my left ankle bracelet & yes it hurt like hell but zero regrets.:0
Until next time,
Rip Pewett