things done in the name of religion

Lent has begun & the Catholics are screaming from the chapels what they are foregoing until Easter. Everything from alcohol, pizza & sweets to represent the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross....I think. My knowledge of religion is sketchy at best as I haven't been to church two weeks in a row since I was 15. What I find humorous is each individual gives up something they feel will be a sacrifice but it is selective of that person & what they believe to be a sacrifice. One person believes giving up pizza is going to be a challenge were the other person may not like pizza at all but is abstaining from ice cream for 45 days. If a person is a Catholic Vegan then they don't eat those items year round so they must give up something else like eating....sand? Muslims don't eat pork....pig is good, one of their many issues. Monks set themselves on fire.....really?! I was raised Presbyterian and as a child i was allowed to eat & drink just about everything so i feel it was a cool religion for that period of my life. The Mormons aren't allowed soft drinks or alcohol...bad, but can have multiple wives.....real bad(more wives equals more problems, enough said). The Jehovah's witness....who cares, bunch of nut jobs. If you are a member of some cult you probably get to do pretty much as the leader dictates; right up until he poisons you or the local federales start lobbing tear gas into your compound. The Agnostics are saying who knows, who cares & why bother. The Atheist is eating, drinking, smoking & fucking right now during Lent. The Baptists are singing & the Church of Christ people are condemning everybody else to Hell no matter what! Since I am a free agent I have decided some sacrifice is in order so i have decided to slow down on my consumption of cold beer. It is dual purpose...first I want to lose 10-15 lbs so I look good in my bikini....oops swimming suit & 2nd just waking up with a clear head un hung over is a good thing! It has been a week & I feel great & my belly is already shrinking. Only 35+ days to go & the sacrifice is marginal but I'm not giving up pizza, ice cream or pop tarts.....I'm just not. All these things are essential to my happiness & therefore are staying. O.K. you are probably wondering as a free agent which religion might sign me to a long term deal....gotta go with the Catholics, they can pretty much do whatever they want, go to Confession & all their sins are forgiven....that is AWESOME! I'm holding out for terms of the deal & a huge signing bonus so I can buy a bunch of cold beer. The picture is of Barry McCord, one of my inner circle who is Catholic & is giving up both alcohol & soft drinks....truth be told he is alot more fun when he is on the booze...oh well, sacrifices must be made in the name of the Lord.
Cheers,
Rip Pewett free agent

I don't ever want to know how many i've had

We all have our vices & most come with some sort of huge price; whether it be financial, emotional or physical. I have narrowed my vices through the years for numerous reasons but one has always remained....cold beer. I can't remember the first time my dad let me take a sip of his beer but i do remember that my parents were drinkers, not raging drunks but social drinkers; so boozing was an accepted vice in the Pewett household. Hell, growing up as a kid my dad owned 4-5 bars in Nashville including the Gold Rush, One Eyed Jacks,Luvs, Fannys & Southwinds. The Pewetts like our sauce & made money selling it to other boozers. I do remember the first time I drank beer with friends; it was with Kelly Jones & we headed to the mountains of Busch. Have i ever said how much I love bush? I was 14 years old, he got smashed & made me drive his AMX muscle car home & drop off 3-4 of our closest friends..WTF?! After my dad died I continued to drink beer through high school where numerous arrests(see possession of alcohol & trespassing at my own house) were followed by community service & probation. I consider these offenses as victimless crimes & glad that they were concealed in my juvie record. Oh, and i was wrongly accused as well(maybe not). I left for college in fall of 1984 for the University of Tennessee with my spectacular fake I.D. in my pocket. I did every beer bust, drink or drown & happy hour that the strip had to offer with numerous stories to recall the following morning. I started to realize that beer was holding me back with my studies & my progression as an adult. It became apparent that I needed to go in a different direction or i wasn't going to make it out of college alive. In the fall of 1986 I pledged Kappa Sigma Fraternity, that should fix it. The next 4 years were a blast, a blur & brotherhood of a bizarre kind. 1990 I was finally done at UT & decided to move back to Nashville to regain my focus & begin my life as a stable member of the community. Then i was hired as a on premise liquor & wine wholesaler for B&G Wholesalers...once again that should fix it. Lasted 2 years & once again had a blast & it was a blur. My roommate owned the largest beer store in town so we had an abundance of cold beer. I wish I had kept all the cans & had some homeless person turn them in for cash with us splitting the profits & buying a forty of Schlitz Malt Liquor to remind of my Kappa Sig days. Bottom line is I love the beer, it is my alcoholic beverage of choice & I am so thankful i don't drink liquor like I do beer or my liver would be shot! I drink beer to relax, unwind and socialize. I can't remember ever saying I'm going out to get drunk, it may happen but never my main goal when i pop the top on the 1st of many cold beers. Beer has caused me to do some pretty stupid things but also have some of the best times of my life. Beer can be abused but if used properly......can solve all the worlds problems. I hope that I never hear my doctor say...."You have to quit drinking beer or you will die soon" but if i do then 1st I'll get a 2nd opinion,then if it is confirmed....I'll quit drinking beer as I cry. Some women collect shoes & would never want to know how much they have invested in shoes that they rarely use but with me I would never want to know how much money I've spent on cold beer. At least i know I used every single one of them equally. Ben Franklin said it best..."Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!"

Cheers,

Rip Pewett platinum member of the 1 million beer club