Thursday, March 13, 2008

I didn't win the Powerball....Damn it all!

The Powerball was $230 million & I bought 2 tickets. One had my lucky digits & the other was the lazy QP(quick pic), I didn't hit 1 number on either. I must go to work today as a result of this piss poor performance. I realize the odds of winning are a bazillion to 1 but I play when the jackpot gets to a crazy amount. I enjoy day dreaming of exactly what I would do if I was the big winner. First, I would get the title of my 1992 money pit(Jeep Cherokee) & drive down to the Lottery office with at least 2 pieces of I.D. Then I would request cash pay out and when they came to take my picture with the big check...i would put on my Carnicus face for the picture. Next, I would drive to the nearest American made auto dealer preferably a Chevy Tahoe dealer. I would ask who is the newest sales person & I would pay cash for the ride after I made them take my Cherokee out back & shoot it. Next I would go to my fiance's bank & deposit a $1,000,000 check in her account anonymously. I would donate money to my 2 favorite charities Safehaven & Nashville Rescue Mission. I would call up my key people & tell them to meet me at Sportsman's Grille in the Village as I needed to talk about our friendship. I would give them all shit for the things they had done to me over the years in jest of course, then write them a fat check. I would get really loaded with my friend & bartender Rod....then write him a fat check with the stipulation that he must quit bartending & travel on my dime for no less than a year. I would go to my bank & take half of the $125,000,000(gross estimate after my dues for being a citizen in the greatest fucking country in the world) and fly first class to Grand Cayman,BWI to deposit said $62.5 mil in a high yield savings account. Then I would take the next two weeks diving the Cayman Islands & drinking beer. Once I returned I would buy a house, find people to maintain the house & drink beer. Then I would help some more people as that is what i like to do. I would like to think that money wouldn't change me but it would.....it would allow me to help other people, my friends & especially what is left of my family. Well that is what I would of done if I had won the Powerball but I guess I better get in the shower as I have to go to work today...SHIT! Until next time, always remember "Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be"
Cheers,
Rip

Saturday, March 1, 2008

The world is a funny place!


Advertising can be hilarious if the writer wants it to be. I saw this in the Sydney subway & I had no idea who Barry "The Cougar" Dawson was but I was leaning towards porn star. Turns out he is like the big stud on some soap opera. It ain't easy being cheesy comes to mind with this ad. I saw another ad in Adelaide on the back of a horse trailer that read.."We bring baby animals to you" Once again my mind went straight to the gutter but let's be honest, Aussies & Kiwis alike have been known to have a little romance with a sheep when no one is watching. Back home there is a sign on I-65 N to Louisville that reads "Used cows for sale", are there any other kind? I get emails all the time that have pretty funny messages. Another way for advertising to be funny is if the writer is not very smart. You see contradictory signs & terrible spelling that can only be lack of smarts so to speak. Also, the public bathrooms of the world are a great place for perfect phrases. As i was going thru my divorce in 1998, the men's bathroom at The Villager had this one: "No matter how good looking she is, somebody, somewhere is tired of fucking her" A true classic cuz it's true. Until next time.
Cheers,
Rip